


Ghost Stealers 2: Electric Boogaloo plus butterfly and okumura's death

by Legendary_Map_Maker



Series: Ghost Stealers [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cliffhangers, Crack, Gen, Ghost Stealers, Let Lavenza Swear!, Not Beta Read, Out of Character, Persona 5 Protagonist Disbands the Phantom Thieves, Persona 5 Spoilers, Spoilers, The Velvet Room (Persona Series), crackfic, everyone's a bitch, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendary_Map_Maker/pseuds/Legendary_Map_Maker
Summary: The Ghost Stealers, a much better group than the Phantom Thieves, must now infiltrate the Palace of Kunikazu Okumura. However, everything fell apart before they even started just because some random butterfly appeared to tell Joker he has started the Lala Arcana Confidant.
Series: Ghost Stealers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865464
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	Ghost Stealers 2: Electric Boogaloo plus butterfly and okumura's death

The Ghost Stealers met in Leblanc. They each drank coffee except Akechi who was eating curry. For no reason in particular, he happened to be sitting in the seat farthest from the fridge. Yes, this is all relevant.

“Okay, so we're going to Okumura's palace next. I'm glad we're all agreed,” Akiren said.

“So am I,” Akechi and “Igor” said at the same time.

“Haha, jynx!” Mishima said. “You owe me a soda!”

“No,” said “Igor”.

“Noted...” edgy boi threatened.

“By the by, honey,” Lala said to Ren. “I hope what we've been doing hasn't changed your opinion of me.”

“Only for the better. You're still my mom.”

“Wait,” Sojiro said, “I thought I was your dad.”

“Both are true,” Akira said.

Lala looked at Sojiro. “Hooooo boy! Honey...”

And that is the most I will write about a potential Lala x Sojiro relationship because this is supposed to be a genfic!

“Anyway, honey. Just continue to do the right thing, and you don't gotta worry about lil' ol' me.”

“Okay,” Joker said.

**DUN, DUN! Da-da-da-DUN, DUN!**

“Here we go again...”

“I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast acquired-: eeek!”

“Stupid butterfly, get back here!” Akechi was crazily swinging around a fly swatter at the glowing blue butterfly that materialized at his table.

She continued to speak as she dodged him. “Thou hast acquired a new vow. Blah-blah, the Lala Persona, blah-blah, HELP ME!”

“There's a Lala Arcana?” Protagonist-kun-san-senpai-kid-thisguy-leader asked.

Lala nodded. She turned to Akechi. “Hey honey, leave the poor butterfly alone.”

“It'll try to take my curry!” The butterfly landed on the curry and took a nibble. “SEE!”

“So good... and hot. Really hot! Milk! MILK!!! HELP ME!!!!” She made a beeline for the fridge.

“No you don't!” Akechi flew through the air like a pancake---that is to say, only in fiction and as a jump---and landed at the now open fridge.

“Hey! You aren't swinging that thing at any of my ingredients.”

“Fine.” Then, Goro-chan had an idea. He shut the fridge door. “Freeze, you fool!”

The butterfly pushed it open from the inside, taking a jug of milk with her.

“How did she- But I was- huh?”

The butterfly poured herself a glass and drank it. She then flew back over to Akechi's table. “What were we doing? Oh right: Help, help me!”

The butterfly landed on Lala. Akechi reeled back and- “Honey, don't you do it.” The butterfly flew away and landed on Akechi's face. “Honey, that's a bad idea...”

Akechi swatted himself in the face. The butterfly had flown away, so there was only one thing he could have hit. “Gah!”

“What made you think that was a good idea?” Hifumi asked.

“Igor” laughed. Pain pleased him. Akechi grabbed “Igor”'s nose and bent it upward. “Igor” screamed.

Everyone else screamed, too. It did look really gross.

The talking butterfly landed on Ren's head. Quiet enough so only she and Akira could hear, she shouted at “Igor” “Serves you right, bitch!” “Igor” bent his nose back in place and jabbed Akechi with it. “You too bitch.”

“Why are you saying that?” Ren asked.

“I earned it. I've been through a lot. I'm _allowed_ to swear now! Fffuck.”

“Well,” Joker announced to the Ghost Stealers, “I'm sure the palace will go a lot smoother than this!”

It wasn't. Remember those annoying robots in Okumura's palace? How annoying they were, especially because they resist everything? Yeah, right now the team was fighting a bunch of those.

“Reduce those rusting automatons to the pile of bolts they are!” Lance shouted.

“Oh my me! Get them off, get them off!” A bunch of the robots were climbing Grail.

Admin was being kicked by robots while his Persona tried, and failed, to pull them away. “Please, stop...”

Joker kept his cool, swapping between Personas to hit robots with their weaknesses. However, he was focused on the horde marching toward him like a legion of zombies, so he couldn't help his allies. He was sure they were fine...

“Get back here you piece of shit! I'll break you!” Prince Crow's sword was on the floor while charged with a fly swatter; he wasn't aiming for the bots, he was aiming for the butterfly that decided to come with them. “Die!!!”

“I shall help,” Grail said. He shot an arrow of light toward the butterfly. He missed, and instead, it hit Crow.

He fell down. “Gah!”

As Crow got up, Joker ordered “Crow, back out. Coffee, get in here.”

“I do what I want...” Crow continued to chase the butterfly.

Coffee came to the frontlines. “Okay, so who am I hitting?”

“You know what,” Joker threw his hands in the air, “I'm done!”

“Are you disbanding the Ghost Stealers now?”

“What? No! I'm gonna use a DLC Persona.” Joker took a deep breathe. “Izanagi-no-Okami Picaro! By the Myriad Truths!”

The robots all died.

“Why are you still here!” Crow yelled at the butterfly. (A reminder that he is wearing his prince outfit.) Joker didn't aim at it, but Crow didn't know that. “Die to the OP balance breaker! That, or my fly swatter!”

“Never!”

“Okay new leader,” Ryuji told Haru, “We got a plan.”

“As leader,” Haru asked, “shouldn't I be the one thinking of plans?”

“Yeah... that's not how things work around here,” Ann said. “Someone else usually thinks of what we do and Joker goes along with it. He just decided _when_ we did _some_ things.”

“I wonder if this contributed to his decision to leave...” Haru said.

“What, no way man! Joker's just messing around. He'll be a Phantom Thief again in no time!”

“Why did you make me leader again?” Haru asked.

“Okay, so I didn't want Ann to be leader,” Ryuji answered.

“And I didn't want Ryuji to be leader,” Ann said. Maybe this time I'll remember to tag her appearance in the story?

“I didn't want to be leader, and I know the other three here can't be leader...” said Makoto.

“Hey! I can be leader!” the “not-a-cat” meowed.

“Nah dude. Can you drive yourself?” Ryuji asked.

“Fine...”

“So what am I doing?” Haru asked.

After they told her the plan, she did the first step. She went to Leblanc.

She heard Akira speak to the Ghost Stealers as she waited outside the door. “Today, we steal the Treasure. Any questions? Yes, sweetheart?”

She heard the famous detective prince. At least, she thought it was him; his voice wasn't nearly as pleasant and kind as he was on TV! “Can I-:”

“No, you can't kill the butterfly...”

Someone blew a raspberry. This enraged Akechi. “Did you hear that! She disrespected me!”

“You're a bitch.”

“Again!”

Ren laughed. “Tell us something new.”

“He's ugly.”

“I said something new.” Akira laughed again.

Mishima laughed at what Ren said.

“WHAT do you think _you're_ laughing at, you infinitesimal piece of worthless shit!”

“N-nothing!” Mishima started crying.

Haru opened the door and stepped in. “Hello.”

“Hi,” Akiren greeted. “You want to be a Ghost Stealer? We got screentime!”

“Huh! Really!” Haru immediately forgot the plan. Can you blame the poor fluffball?

“It's true! I'm getting screentime, too!” That delighted cheer sounded like it came from...the butterfly? “Wahoo!”

“Now we know that life will cha-ange!”

“Joker...” Crow groaned as they walked to the Treasure room to fight Okumura. He half-assedly swung his sword at the butterfly fluttering around him as the Ghost Stealers trudged onward. “Sweetie, can you please, please, PLEASE!, stop singing.”

“I'm impressed he can sing such high notes,” Lance said.

“Yeah, he sounds just like a hot girl!” Admin said. “I just don't know what he's saying...”

“Well, he is singing in English...” Coffee said.

“I wanna sing! I wanna sing!” the butterfly pleaded. “Back in the Velvet Room, Belladonna wouldn't let me sing along whenever we had a guest, but we always had a guest...”

“You're from the Velvet Room?” Joker asked.

“Whose Belladonna?” Grail asked using the wrong version of who's. He's an idiot and a bitch.

“Wouldn't you like to know, bitch.” The butterfly giggled. It seems she agreed he's a bitch.

“Joker, are sure I still can't kill the butterfly?”

Joker said nothing. Crow already knew the answer.

“I'm really looking forward to changing my father's heart. Thank you all, Ghost Stealers.”

“No problem, Fluffball,” Coffee said.

“When I was a member of the Phantom Thieves, my codename was Noir.”

“But you'we a fwuffbwall!” Joker said in a voice that sounded like some cute creature and not an actual human. His sudden ability to have a wide vocal range is astounding. Back in his regular voice: “Besides, no one here uses their Phantom Thief codename.”

“Honey, what about Joker?” Lala asked.

“As leader of the Ghost Stealers, and as he who enforces the rules, I say it's fine!”

“Hello, Ghost Stealers...” It was Shadow Okumura. “Greetings Pompous Man in a Black Coat!, Coffee Beans Stench!, Edgy Sippy Cup Bitch with a Long Nose!, Angry Shogi Girl!, Dumb Prince Boy with a Long Nose!, Whiny Cellphone Brat!, Phony with my Daughter's Face!, and Lala... beautiful as always... Ahem, anyway! My personal corporate army will deal with you!”

But nobody came.

“By the way, honey, I dealt with those robots on the way here.” She took a drag from her cigarette.

Grail reached up and grabbed the Treasure. How did he do that without a hand? Great question!

The Ghost Stealers began to leave, but Crow stayed behind. “I just need to check that the change of heart worked. Y'know, ask if he feels sorry.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

Alone with the Shadow, Crow walked up to Shadow Okumura and brandished his gun; his real gun. He fired a million times. “This! Is! For! Those! Fucking! Bots!” He shot one more solo shot. “And that one's because I was told to.”

“Did you guys here gunfire?” It's best boy!

“I believe we did...” That was best girl! YuoskFox!

The Phantom Thieves walked into the Treasure room. “Wait, someone already took the Treasure!”

“Of course!” Mona said. “That's why the security was so high, someone already sent a calling card!”

“Hey guys,” Oracle pointed out, “is that Akechi in the red mask?”

“Um, well... Look over there!” Crow ran away.

Fox was the only one to look where he pointed. “Indeed, it is a marvelous composition.”

“Inari, focus!”

“Uh, guys. While we waiting for Yusuke, the Ghost Stealer escaped,” Queen said.

“God damn it!” You know who said that. “How did they send the calling card?”

“Igor” snuck through the Okumura household in the real world. He contorted his spindly body to hide behind furniture and things on his way to where Kunikazu Okumura was. Once in the living room, he stood up to reveal himself.

“Oh my God! What the hell is that thing!” Okumura pulled out his phone, and began to dial for the police.

“Igor” smacked it out of his hands. He held out the calling card. “This is for you. From the Ghost Stealers: aka, the better Phantom Thieves.”

Everything around the two faded to black. Okumura was replaced with his Shadow. The Shadow hunched over and vomitted. “This thing... I think I'll be sick...”

Reality returned to normal.

“Now to make my leave...” said “Igor”. A Velvet Room door materialized behind him. He pulled on the door. “Let me in! Let me in!”

“Say the magic word~” Caroline sang.

“I'll kill you.”

“Uh... close enough!” Caroline said, terrified for her life.

The door swung open, smacking “Igor” in the face. Holding onto his once again broken nose, he walked into the Velvet Room annoyed.

Okumura picked up his phone. It seemed in the commotion it accidentally called Haru. “Yes father?”

“Haru, if I die, I want you to know... I never loved you.”

The Ghost Stealers were gathered in the Velvet Room.

“Kids, make sure to treat our guests with respect,” “Igor” said.

“Master, why are you and the inmate looking at me!”

“Because, Caroline,” Justine began, “you tend to be rude to everyone.”

“Because Master told me to!”

“Is this true?” Akira asked “Igor”.

“No,” “Igor” lied.

The butterfly landed on Caroline's hat. “We are the same person! Listen to meeeeeee!”

“Did you hear something Justine?”

“No.”

Akechi held the fly swatter at the ready.

“Don't even think about it!”

The butterfly drifted over and landed next to Akechi. “Try to kill me, bitch! You can't!”

Akechi smacked the fly swatter down on her. The fly swatter broke, and the butterfly was unharmed. “What the...!”

The butterfly laughed. The laugh faded away. “That actually really hurt...”

Akechi pulled out a gun. “Not as much as this.”

Lala teleported behind Akechi and confiscated his gun. “That's enough of that, child.”

Akechi turned to Persona 5 Protagonist. “You know this butterfly, how didn't it die?”

“I have something...” Ren looked with 3rd-Eye. “She has 4,000 HP.”

“WhYyY!?”

Ignoring the strange-ness happening with Akechi, who was always strange, Haru said “I'm so glad we changed my father's heart, but are we sure it won't hurt him.”

“There is nothing to fear...” “Igor” said. He then winked at Akechi.

“Ew...”

“Why did you wink at Akechi-kun?”

“I didn't.” “Igor” winked again. “Sojiro, there is curry in my eye. Help me.”

Sojiro groaned. “I told you to be more careful when you ate it; it's spicy, and it can really hurt if it get's in your eye.”

“I do not know how this has occurred.”

The butterfly landed on “Igor”'s desk and snickered. She was the one who got curry in his eye. “Igor” slammed a hand down on the butterfly. “Eek!”

“Enough from you.”

“I will not be silenced! Vive la résistance!”

“Are you also totally confused?” Mishima asked Hifumi.

“Yes. Much of what we've seen these last few days have been... strange, to say the least.”

“Hey Mishima... remember that soda you asked for?” Akechi asked.

“Huh, you got me one?” There were stars in Mishima's eyes.

“Right here!” Akechi threw a can of soda at Mishima. It hit directly between the eyes.

“Okay, Igor, please let her go.” Joker grabbed “Igor”'s hand and lifted it up. The butterfly fluttered out.

“I'm free! I'm free! Thank you, Trickster!” She flew into his pocket and snuggled into it. Her last word before taking a nap: “Pocket...”

Later, as the meeting drew to a close, Haru stepped out to answer a phone call.

“Is everything going to plan?” a voice asked Haru on the other end of the phone call.

“What was the plan again, Mako-chan?” Haru asked.

“Careful not to use my name! We don't know who might be listening. But to clarify, did you infiltrate the Ghost Stealers?”

In all honesty, Haru forgot she wasn't supposed to actually join the Ghost Stealers. The Phantom Thieves didn't need to know that. She can just carry on with their plan. “Yes. They don't suspect anything.”

“Great. Now, the next step is-: Huh? What Sis? Okay, let me finish this call! I have to go. Just, keep it up until you hear from us again.”

“Mhmm. I understand.”

What Haru didn't understand, or know, was hovering behind her head was a small blue glowing butterfly with the power to talk.

Do I even need to say who the butterfly is?

**Author's Note:**

> I can promise the sequel will not be done as quickly as this one was.


End file.
